How to Get Un-Lonely

The neurological basis for loneliness is the threat response system. Although we are not surrounded by as many physical threats as we were thousands of years ago (if you are reading this, chances are, you have food, shelter, and are not about to be eaten by a predator), social threats abound. Someone disliking you, even briefly, might mean losing your job, your status, or your good reputation (ask any writer, and they will tell you that a one-star review on Amazon makes you feel pretty darn lonely). 
The bad news is that the threat response system is jumpy. It’s easily activated, and the neurochemicals of distress can stay in your system for a while. However, here is the good news: the brain also has an affiliative system, which acts in counterbalance to the social threat system. 
The affiliative system is involved in social bonding and positive social interactions, such as feelings of warmth and connection towards others. The affiliative system is your neurological home for a sense of belonging. You can build it up by doing self-practices, such as gratitude and compassion - or interpersonally, like talking to a therapist. One of the fastest ways to build up your sense of belonging is to spend time with supportive communities. A group that encourages deep sharing, empathy, and mutual appreciation doesn’t just make you feel like you belong in the moment - it expands your CAPACITY for belonging, which means that the next time you are in a group of well-meaning people, your affiliative system is more likely to get and stay activated. 
If you want to give your affiliative system a gentle workout, come join us for our Co-Creating Our Hearts' Desires group on the second Tuesday of each month. We use brain- and energy-based techniques to quiet our threat response systems and activate our affiliative systems. Best of all, we engage a practice to heal our collective body, tuning in to the deep sense of belonging that’s always present right under the surface of loneliness. Come and belong with us! I look forward to seeing you there!