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3/15/2023 5 Comments

Body Speaks Pleasure - Get Fluent!

Wisdom of the body expresses itself in two ways. Disagreeable sensation, such as lack of energy, numbness, or discomfort is a NO. Enjoyable sensation, such as aliveness, relaxation or pleasure is a YES. 
As a species, we are better at responding to NOs than YESs. Pain gets our attention much faster than pleasure - and most of us have more or less reliable ways of dealing with it. Pleasure, on the other hand, often remains an untended, under-nourished, under-appreciated stepchild, only paid attention to when she is dressed in a glittering ball gown in the middle of a dance floor. 
If we only pay attention to the extravagant experiences of pleasure (a gourmet meal, a tropical vacation, or a mind-blowing night with a new lover), the body can get discouraged. If it has no chance of attracting your attention with small-scale pleasures (little YESs), it has to say more NOs. If we consistently ignore the breadcrumbs of pleasurable sensation (running your hand through your child’s silky hair, friendly smile from a coworker, soft cradling of a comfortable shoe) and only follow the trail of discomfort, the body is likely to create more discomfort. Like most mammals, the body would rather have negative attention than none at all.
I am not suggesting that we ignore the signals of pain or danger. By all means, adjust the chair and take yourself to a chiropractor if you have a backache. Wouldn’t it make sense though to pay at least as much attention when your back is feeling better? Wouldn’t you want the brain to understand the signal of “I want more of this”, not just the signal of “less of this, please”?
How do we then condition the mind to be more pleasure-friendly? These are a few ideas informed by positive neuroplasticity, mindfulness and somatics. 
  1. Slow down your pleasures. It takes 12-20 seconds for the brain to absorb an enjoyable sensation and start assimilating it into the neural structure. If you are going to eat something delicious, mute the commercial, take a breath and let it linger on your tongue. Not only will you get more enjoyment out of the experience, it will sensitize the brain to pleasurable sensation. Which means, the next time you eat something good, you will enjoy it a little more. Sensitizing yourself to pleasure (or any kind of beneficial experience) is perhaps the most important step you can take to train your mindbody to feel better over time. Isn’t it worth 12 seconds of your time?
  2. Refine your pleasure palate. Your brain is a discernment machine. If left on autopilot, it will go: “I want this, but I am experiencing that” all day long. Give it something better to do. Walking outside? Notice three different shades of green. Which one is your favorite? Feel the emotional impact of the color, the way it settles into your body. Maybe the new-leaf green is energizing, the evergreen-green is refreshing, or the algae-on-the-surface-of-the-pond green is soothing to you. Become a connoisseur of bird song, sunset color, or the scent of freshly cut grass. Over time, the brain will start looking for the exquisitely detailed pleasurable sensation, instead of obsessing about your wrinkles or somebody’s mud-splattered license plate. 
  3. Share your pleasures. Enjoying something with somebody else engages your social brain and can create a nova-size neuroplastic burst. Amplify your pleasure from a meal, a walk, or a good book by talking about it with a receptive person. Engaging your sensory and social pleasure neural networks at the same time will give you many times the benefit; it is also a great way to enliven and deepen your relationships.
Supporting your body through paying attention to its YESs in small, consistent ways can nourish your health, harmonize your emotional states and enrich your relationships - while making your ordinary days feel more peaceful, enjoyable and vibrant.

5 Comments
Brenda Lieberman
3/15/2023 07:06:21 pm

I love these suggestions! So many good ways to increase one’s self awareness.

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Lori
3/16/2023 08:15:52 am

So, so good. Thank you for bringing out this truth so eloquently. I will walk differently!

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Luisa Robles
3/16/2023 10:16:02 am

Great recommendations. I will definitely make a point to stop, digest, and enjoy the small pleasures in life.

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Pam Burbul
3/16/2023 05:04:35 pm

I love this idea of giving more attention to the everyday pleasures of life. That is such a valuable orientation to live from. What a great way to sooth and retrain the nervous system. Thank you so much for this information.

Reply
Amanda Thompson
3/19/2023 06:14:07 am

I love this article! So beautiful...it encourages me to treat everyday life more like a meditative experience. Thank you Elena!

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    Elena Khazanova is a holistic facilitator, a psychotherapist and a pleasure coach. She designs and runs trainings and groups where  the  powers of connection, pleasure and play are used to transform inner and outer worlds.

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